I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
