My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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