i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
