But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
