whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
