never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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