its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize