I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
