Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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