I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
