she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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