Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize