Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The air was thick with penises
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize