I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
