The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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