The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
