my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
