she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
