my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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