Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
