If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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