Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
