haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's blow job season.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
