im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drunk is not a location!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
