DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
