Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
