found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
