I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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