just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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