my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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