Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
