im drinking this country out of the recession.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
