I hate all girls vehemently.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
