im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
