I think I won the penis lottery.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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