This is not my ceiling
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
