I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
