Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
