I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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