im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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