Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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