Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
