I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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