I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
