Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And then he peed in my hair
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