There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
