I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
