I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
