I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
