they need to just BURY HIM!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
