just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Duck Duck Cougar?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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