I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
