the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize