I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
