I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
