shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
