thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
