do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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