Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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