wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
