No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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