You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
