She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize