I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
