A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
