Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
