The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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