Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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