benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
