There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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