i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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