A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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