My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
