Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
