After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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