dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
