My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
