Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
