At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're my little dorito
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They have beer where we have blood.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
