my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
