Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
